Vicarious

party animals

when I slinked into the party
I felt naughty eyes upon me
phosphorescent, burning through me
softening lips begging to kiss
in the corner in a whirlwind
we stared beams of adoration
and conjured spirits with our eyes
while every other soul turned cold
and floated away like ashes

Ants

A corpse in the sheets

Saltines at my side

White crumbs all around

The ants march on by

They heave and they hoist

Many times their size

And that's how I know

They're stronger than I

Where I got this photo.

Twins

I spy you from across the room
Those big bald heads
Like silver moons
So simple, vast, and open wide
While I, equipped with higher mind,
Spend muddled hours swatting flies
And dank ideas pass me by
Clogging up the river so
My beaver brain dams up the flow

But you two,
My inspiration,
Your story's not been told
The life you live
The love you give
Lives right behind your nose
And though, like me, you ache and grow
Simple pleasure is all you know
And you'd think it silly
To seek for much
Any further beyond your toes

Bittersweet

Many early mornings I had lain awake
In tasteful dreams
Of kneading and caressing, smooth and supple, as it were,
Luring me afoot well before God's hour
Down the dark and sparkly alleyway;
I'd stealthily shiver past shattered glass rivers
And bus stops disguised as bedrooms.
I'd nervously knock and wait for shuffling;
A groggy good morning or nothing
But quick, darty eyes full of what?
Shrug, shrug it off and back to the senses
Flooded with butter and other
Scents that hold on tightly and don't let go
Like your grandmother's last hug
Or an illicit lover's gaze.
Drawn in, I absorbed it all
Every last drop, straight to the heart
I lapped it up and begged for more,
But the maddening elixir
Grew more bitter every brew
And spurned me, red-eyed, flailing into frenzy
For some balancing flavor,
The one magical, smoothing, soothing
Addition or subtraction to turn it all back
Into the the bearable, presentable, enjoyable
Treat it would never be again.

Orage de Merde

that sinking feeling in your gut can only be described by words of karma defeated sighs giggling lies and versions of truth that bore all the way down to the rotting roots of the seeds you've been planting so carelessly you toss them into the wind but the shit storm brings it back again so batten the hatches and tighten the latches to your disgraceful mouth because whether you're ready the weather rolls steady and the vain is pointed south

>x)

Errrbody poops? Shit.

"Take my knife, please!" - Rodney Safetyfield

A: Roses are red, violets are blue, here is a scarf, I made it for you.
B: It's nice but I only wear earth tones.
A: Unless you are in outer space, all tones are earth tones. Idiot.

Millennials

"It's too short," sighed the lip-curled girl.
The 90s are back in style like an indifferent townie
drinking coffee with F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Simmered in Apple spice
So clean and user friendly!

We're getting so much done here
Between status updates
Beneath the rotting weight of worry
Above the line of poverty
Beside our pretty peers

Unblinking into the steady light
With polka dotted foci
We strive
Create
And waste a lot of time

It's a lie to say it's all we know
But how could we go back
Newspapers, dictionaries
Body piercings, Game Boys
They're just so over now

The poster kids of pragmatizz
So quick to cast aside
Frivolity for economy
We've whittled away the things we call worthless
And could never survive in the wild

Unflinching, no doubt
No philosophy required
We've arrived here for the better
And we deserve it all

Megatherium and Anniversary Thoughts

Well, today marks a year since I started this blog and, as with most anniversaries, I have mixed feelings about it. What have I achieved? What purpose does it serve?

I do not consider myself a great writer and I am pretty lazy with forms. I mainly write to entertain myself and to extract ideas from my head in a slightly more elegant manner than "You know, like, it's so crazy, like, when you have a dream that's like, surreal, and you're like, on the moon and then, I dunno, you're like going crazy and..." Because that's how plenty of these ideas begin. I suppose it helps me understand some of my own thoughts and explore points of view that are different from my own. So, yes, I am achieving something by writing these poems. But am I achieving anything by sharing them? Let's explore this.

I have always felt a strong hesitation to share art of any kind, but poetry especially, and I believe it stems from a fear of being misunderstood. I hate it. I try to understand people and I want people to understand me, but, of course, being misunderstood is inevitable. I vacillate between honestly not giving a shit what people think about me and desiring to uphold an unattainable, perfect, lovable image. The result is a lot of "Hey, looky what I can do!" followed by "Oh, maybe I should have kept that to myself." It's as if there are two opposing voices inside my head: One is a rambunctious child who knows no boundaries and is eager to share anything and everything with the world and the other is a strict parent that tells the child to shut up and stop embarrassing everyone. If I had to side with one or the other, it would have to be the child. But, thanks to socialization, the parent's voice is still there and is not going away. My only choice is not to obey it.

Back to the question: Am I achieving anything by sharing these poems? I have heard often that if something makes you fearful, going toward it can help you overcome it. Putting these words out there for the world to see is certainly frightening but hey, a year has gone by and the world has not come crashing down yet. I just don't see the point in writing these things and keeping them a secret to take to the grave. I think that gives them weight they don't deserve. They are just words.  I conclude, therefore, that this blog is helping me slowly overcome my paralyzing fear of being seen as a sick, twisted, horrible, demented, disgusting person incapable of being loved or understood by anyone but Satan.

Now here's a poem about an extinct mammal.

Megatherium
Was the sky blue
The day you died
With a roar and tumble down?
Off your tail,
not teetering, no,
but hoisted high above the trees;
No enemy known
And no fear inside
You raked in your rightful bounty
Lush and untainted
By the greed of my kind,
Slow as a six-ton sunrise.
Slothful giant,
Did you die in vain
Ten brief millennia ago
To end up now
Museum entombed
Quiet, immobile, vulnerable
Much like before
When bushes whispered
And made unexpected enemies?
Planet earth
Could not contain you
And evolution was unkind.
Ambushed by spears
And the cruelty of time,
Only bones you left behind.

metallurgy

let me in to cast a mold of your heart
catch my spark so a reaction can start
magnetized I'm pulled inside of your earth
tight I clasp the artifacts of your birth
more I learn and more theories I acquire
more I yearn and more flame I require
red and hot your secrets glow deep within
let me enshrine all your virtue and sin

See Boy Fall

The Boy walks
The Boy walks down the street
The Boy, barely a man, walks down the foggy street


I watch
I watch the young man
I watch the young man move like a blur


His feet glide
His feet don't touch the ground
His feet move so fast they don't even touch the ground


I want him
I want him to see me
I want him to see my goodness


He sees nothing
He sees nothing in my direction
He sees nothing but the road ahead

I call
I call out to him
I call out to him over and over and over

He does not hear
He does not hear my cries
He does not hear my deafening cries

I run
I run hard after him
I run hard after him until my legs ache and collapse beneath me

He speeds
He speeds toward the future
He speeds through the fog toward his bright and promising future

I want him
I want him to fall
I want him to fall so I can catch him

9

new consciousness is a BEEP BEEP
traffic jam
red lights and red lines
flickering and laser beaming
anywhere but up
town is in flames
toy engines too loud to buy
so play in-store/on-shelf/in-plastic
push five buttons all at once
'til she boils
no ICEE for you just
hole-drilled paddle stings
bees in your Big Red
SURPRISE!
why didn't you look, you dumb fuck?
I'm sorry you're hurting
I just don't feel it.
back on asphalt
with quivering guts
de/acceleration nauseation
the ding ding trigger
signals more turning
and churning
merry-go-round my ass
I don't wanna go home
but I don't wanna be here.

Strait-Swift-McGraw

Ain't it funny

How a little bit of livin'

Can change the meanin' of a song,

Or shine a little right

On what you thought was wrong?

Ain't it somethin'--

When you're off the beaten path

And you feel you don't belong

Strangers can become your friends

And move you right along!

Take a little moment

To look inside your big ol' heart.

Guaranteed, it won't be long

Until you sing the worldddddddd

(dramatic pause)

A brand new livin' song.

Mmmilk

breathing on the other end
the gun's by the bed
bullets have potential
unknown, unseen, unwanted
unique like me
Ding a Ling
I'm asleep
but answer anyway
thrashing in the sheets
draining away the next day
half in half out
of a nightmare
the one where you don't care
about me after all
then when sunlight cuts me
I realize, now I'm dreaming
basil, rosemary
you smell like excitement
my heart sinks and jumps and flutters and stops and starts and squeezes and punches and strangles
palms to trapezius
fingers in ribs
dripping with exotic flavors
like cats love milk
because they're not allowed to have it

Invitation to Follow

Arched back in the front with a porcelain white dazzle
Crisp cotton waving like surrender
Five rows removed
Mocha lace and satin brew
An invitation to paint the town a risky shade of red
Any time, any place, for chrissakes,
But not now and not here
Is reality, __ fear(s)

Goodbye Again, Sun

Sometimes I feel out of touch with nature.


Suburban Sunset
I'm boxed in.
Three walls (so cliche) block the sun
Tumbleweed flyers beg us not to litter
Drivers-by with handheld devices
Distract themselves from the marshmallow clouds.
One-legged birds refuse to fly and get fatter
And fatter and fatter.
X-ray Granny turns trash into treasure
And Poi Boy hula hoops the Zen Buddhist way.
I drag my hand through the sand for a feeling;
It's all stale and rust and rubble from the past,
Once new and exciting to someone
Who no longer is here and no one remembers.
Cue the crickets and the Vitamin C lights
That stain the trees and filter my dreams 'til morning.