Black Pistol Dream

We were hanging out in some high rise building in a big city. The interior was kinda shitty and messy. You were pacing around and acting kind of crazy, saying you were going to do something... you grabbed two black pistols and handed one to me. We went out the back door and down the stairs to the alley that opened up to a huge, grassy park. We talked for a minute... we were in agreement about what was said... then you grabbed your gun and started shooting it up into the air while running around like a madman. I looked on approvingly, but I left my gun dangling on a ladder. I watched as people all around started scattering and screaming and I was compelled to pick up my gun and shoot it at the ground one time in agreement. The man in front of me turned around; I saw he was a police officer. He very matter-of-factly looked me in the eyes and shot me in the chest one time and turned around and walked away. The whole world slowed down around me and I thought 'This is it. I'm going to die. This is how I'm going to die. I can't believe it. All I did was shoot the ground and now I'll never see another day.' I kept putting my fingers on the wound, looking for blood, but there was no blood-- just a hole because the bullet had gone through me. I suddenly felt hopeful that I could live if I could just get help, but no around me would stop.

Wartime Folly

I mistook a dream for a summer breeze
From a peaceful decade past
Now I'm sweating bullets
In Allandale tower
In twisted gowns
And broken glass

Outside the window
Between nuclear sun and suburban cracks
I see no black mirage
But feel the ricochet
Of cannons on the ground
And a hand upon my back

Wildfire

I long like the sunset
watches the moon
I ache like the wintertime
wishes for June
I hover like honeybees
wait for the bloom
I dream like a mockingbird
remembers a tune
I hide like the sand
transforms into dunes
I shrink like the pines
reflect off the lagoon
I desire like morning
expires at noon
I need you like wildfire
exists to consume

Verständnis Ist Nicht Möglich

(Understanding Is Not Possible)

------

It was just last night that I entertained friends on a balcony in some vast, faceless city. An icy full moon hung low in the west, slowly sinking down. All I wanted was for my friends to gaze upon it. I cried, shouted, pleaded for them to look. A few acknowledged, but I could not be sure that they understood. In a moment I turned my head eastward and there was the orange-pink sun, softly burning on the horizon. It was not too bright to look at directly and moved slowly up the sky as if pulled by an invisible string. The sky did not brighten; it remained a pleasing dark blue. I saw fire and ice together. I was overwhelmed by the fleetingness of this moment and in that instant my only desire was to share it with all of humanity.

------


When one waters weeds with runoff from one's gutters
One will wheeze with weary will when watering the others.


------

Tell me the difference
Between a dream and a memory
So that I can think it's true.

Scale the heights
Of these walls in my mind
Then retrieve what only I'd know.

Crawl into my skin
From the outside in
And describe to me
Each bead of sweat
Salty tear
Guttural flutter
Breath.

------

Are you really here with me?

------

The difference between a dream and a memory
Is that one is what you want, and one is what you need.

Deep inside the recess of your mind
You're a napping lion at the zoo.

Joy and pain feel quite the same
If you push either away.

------

It was just last night that I watched a meteor shower with my girlfriends. We drove south for half an hour and still could not escape the polluting light of the city. We spread our blankets over the rocks and let them dig into our backs. We let the spiders crawl over our arms and faces. We waited for hours and only saw a few. I rolled over on my side and draped my arm across my friend and said, "This is all I want from you."

Goodbye, Chicago

If you drained the lagoon
In Humboldt Park
There you'd find my still beating heart
Next to no fish, no love letters, no wishes
Half-buried treasures left behind by dumb kids
Who had no idea how to swim

If you scraped off the gum
From Wrigleyville's streets
You'd not have enough to hold onto me
Slow buses, fast trains, stand-by planes
Take me back to faces in pictures
Still not knowing the things I don't know

If you washed off the scent
Of Clark and Balmoral
You'd never suspect what an animal I am
Fur drenched, hunger gone, thirst quenched
Hibernation takes over
I can't recognize my own face

Timely Death

Just two weeks and weaker by the day
But only two weeks to survive;
Too weak to survive what's already been--
What a fortnight cannot revive.

Little Devil

I cling to the cusp of transformation - the brink of something
new. And there's a devil deep inside me that pushes its way
through my lips, my hands, my hips, my thighs. I love, I give,
I get closer to One - So high in the clouds, this must be
you. But in the morning I wake, hungover from exposure,
with emptiness in hand, and loneliness in heart.
Soon from the depths, the devil is
renewed, and the clawing begins at the start.

I'm Not Into Titles Right Now

I need to find a baby in Chicago
Silent burp-a-baby-until-you-find
-an-unexpected-way-to-die improv 
scenes just won't suffice right now.
I need to find a baby in Chicago
One that really drinks and wets!
It will sleep when I sleep and
when it's awake it will look up
at me and smile and when I smell 
its head I will be one with the 
sun, the moon, the stars. But first,
I need to find a baby in Chicago
I'll teach it to say mamamama
and stand across the room with
my arms outstretched, waiting
for the first step to come and into 
my arms it will enter toddlerdom.
The two of us will go for stroller 
walks and stop for ice cream if 
the feeling's right, then onward
past the weary folks with dogs 
we'll babble back and forth in code.
I need to find a baby in Chicago

Waves of Truth

For Lake Michigan

Freshwater waves roll in quieter
today - as if the man on the moon
wasted on universal truths -
whispered what can't be un-known
Now the foolish waves know
it's not their fate
to ever
reach the
sea

This Doesn't Have a Name

It
only
takes fifteen
days to fall out
of love with your life
New bodies to need
new enemies
just in time
to go
home

Numb

Fat fingers feel around
For the missing half of this sensation
Another foolish occasion to spend half asleep
Grooming in the road
There must be a way to feel
That rumble from below
It's not a lullaby
It's a warning
Wake up

Spring Flag

I was flapping cotton all over the place

Red and white with the blues

With vitamin rays the sun shone brightly

And caressed me with cool wind hugs

Then black summer descended with its beak showing hard

And hungrily pecked at the fruit

Limp without lift

No eyes gazed or verklempt

Sadness made worse

By lack of distraction

Then a sudden cold snap

Like spring never left

Now I'm mighty

With breeze again

Life, Limited

I was just checking my e-mail and...
Now I'm back here again.
Hmm.
Ok, I'll just do some online banking before...
Wow, have you seen the second version of this cat video?
It's so much better.
What was I doing?
Oh, yes.
Responsibilities.
Ok, all set.
Better hit refresh before I leave.
Oh no, I'm late.
But what if I miss something?

Weakly Kitten

Your disposition, weakly kitten,

exposed by razor and by knife

stapled shut and stitched to health

through groggy, chemical night

does something more than make me sad

Your glossy eyes without a fight

send '84 shivers down my spine

I plead, forgive this unnatural sight

captive in your con'ed collar

but trust my species knows what's right

Right-brained

Turn it up! This song is yellow and triangles. There was a banana close to my sandwich a couple of hours ago, wasn't there? I could tell when we met we'd be friends our whole lives. Sorry, I can't give you directions to the party because I don't remember the street names, but I can get you there-- no problem. I think you should know that I have deja vu way too often, but I happen to like the feeling. Next time you're around a bunch of logical, left-brained people, just close your eyes and absorb all their words because they may come in handy someday.